LIFE HACK: disguise your nervous breakdown as a series of jokes
- person: get your license
- me: The Road Is A Terrifying Place And I Am Very Afraid To Drive
how does ed manage to look perfect in every single picture that get’s taken of him
- me to a white person: what's your ethnicity
- white person: i'm 1/4 vanilla bean, 2 cups of skim milk, 3 tablespoons of tapioca, 1 teaspoon of corn starch etc
- bae: mmm yeah fuck me baby
- me: put a quarter in the swear jar
What’s the difference between america and yogurt?
If u leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture
i am 0% the person i was three years ago and i would probably get in a fight with 2011 me
i need a paid break from life
If you relapse, repeat after me:
- You are not weak.
- You have not lost this battle.
- You are not selfish.
- You are not out of control.
- All the progress you made hasn’t magically disappeared.
- You are not a failure.
- Life is a cycle of highs and lows- good times are ahead, so keep going forward.
- You matter.
when you’re writing has and accidentally write ahs